I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
