Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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