worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
