i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
