So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
