Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
