the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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