grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
