someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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