his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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