Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
