there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
