i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
