I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
