how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
