An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She announced her abortion via fbk
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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