my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
