I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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