If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
