A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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