So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
