grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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