and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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