He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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