I showed him my bush... on skype.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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