I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
