I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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