And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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