So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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