She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
