im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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