I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
