This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
