Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
