How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
