She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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