Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
