Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and she was petting her beer can
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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