and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
