When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
