Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
