Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
