What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
