i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
