we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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