can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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