I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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