My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
