My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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