Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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