listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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