Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
